Discouraged

Have you ever felt discouraged?  Have you ever tried you best to stick with
something, and then - no matter what you have tried to do - it all just falls apart?  I know.  If you are anything like me that's when you want to throw in the proverbial towel and give up.  Have you been there?  I've been there many times. 

Maybe you might have felt that way because of something to do with weight loss - the first blog I ever wrote many years ago had to do with my struggle with my weight - not that I have ever been what some would call overweight.  I weigh 135 pounds - and at 5'7", that is an okay weight - I have come to terms with it.  My problem was, all my life, until I turned the "BIG 5-0" I had weighed between 108 and 115.  I would fluctuate back and forth, but for the most part I would say that I weighed 110. I never excerised and I ate whatever I wanted.  Then, I turned 50 and my body went through a lot.  I started having some physical problems that resulted in my having a complete hysterotomy three weeks after my fiftieth birthday.  A week later I discovered the doctors found out I had uterine cancer, which meant I went through another surgery three short weeks later.  Long story short, over the next few years I put on weight.  For a long time I was at a loss as to what to do to get back to the weight that I thought I should be at.  As I said, I had NEVER had to diet or exercise - I don't think I was out of shape - I just didn't have any idea of what an exercise program was much less how to stick to it.  However, I did a lot of reading and research.   I found the right combination for me and through diet and exercise I have been able to get it to the 135 - but that is my plateau.  I'm not going any lower - no matter what.  Well, I guess I could be unhealthy and starve myself, but let's get real here - that is NOT going to happen.  The point I'm trying to make is  - I could have thrown in the towel (in fact, I felt like it many times), but I didn't.  I have been able to drop about 15 pounds and I'm finally coming to terms with that is were my body needs to be at the age I am now.

You could also become discouraged when it comes to your finances - I have certainly been there too.  When my kids were little, and I was just starting out on my own after my divorce from their dad, I made so many stupid decisions when it came to money.  I was behind in my house payments, car payments and credit cards - I had not gotten so far behind that the collection agencies were calling - but I'm sure they were not far away.  I was so discouraged and scared - I would cry myself to sleep at night trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I could not blame anyone else for these mistakes - I did it to myself and I knew that I had to take ownership of the mess I had created.  Also, I had two little girls I HAD to take care of.   So, I HAD TO FIGURE THIS OUT!!!  Well, thank God I had a mom that was able to co-signed a loan for me that I used to pay off all my credit cards and get my house payments caught up.  I traded in my more expensive car for something that I could afford and I put myself on a strict BUDGET.  I was so embarrassed that I had to go to my mom and she had to use a CD she had from my dad's life insurance policy as collateral for the loan.   Through hard work and preserverance,  I paid that loan off without missing any payments and I dug myself out of that deep, deep hole.  It was not easy and it took several years.   There were times I would get discouraged, but I never wanted to go back to that feeling of helplessness that I felt when I was so far in debt.  (This is when I first starting do menu planning, by the way.)

However, even as I was trying to dig myself out of debt - and I really, really wanted to be out of debt - there were times that I was discouraged.  Sometimes I was just tired of pinching pennies.  There were times that I really just wanted to go out and buy something - and sometimes it really didn't matter want it was.  There were times I wanted to go out to eat - to a really nice place - not just McDonald's or the snack bar at Walmart (yes, the Walmart had a snack bar and you could get a hot dog, chips and a drink for $1.49).  There were times that I wanted to rip that credit card out of my wallet (okay, actually, I hid them in my house - I don't have that much will power) and go on a buying binge.  But I didn't.  Even though I was tired of feeling like I was  "poor" - I was more tired of being in debt!  So, I stuck to my guns and dug myself out and repaired my credit rating.

So, why am I bringing up all this ancient history?  Well, I'm feeling those feeling of discouragement again.  There are those little tentacles wrapping their cloying arms around my mind and heart and making me feel inadequate again.   There are so many things that I don't feel like I have control of right now. I know that I could put on my "Pollyanna" face and pretend that everything is fine, but I think that my dh and I have finally reached the point that some major decisions are going to have to be made.  (We are fine - so, there are no worries there - that is the one stable thing in our lives!)



It doesn't matter where you are in your life - there are times that we all get discouraged.  When I do, I turn the worries over to someone who has more control than I do.  I find that if I turn to the man upstairs and pray - even though I might still be nervous - I know that He will lead us in the direction that He wants us to go in - not the direction that we might think is the best or easy one for us.  We just have to believe.

I'll let you know when the decisions are finally made - I'll just continue praying that we make the right decisions.  (I wouldn't mind if you said a little pray too!)

Have you ever been discouraged?  What do you do?

More Doctor's Appointments

Today we spent all day at Watson Clinic in Lakeland for Dan to complete his nuclear stress tests.  These tests lasted 5 hours with breaks between three different sessions.  On two on the sessions Dan had to have MRI's done and he is extremely claustros afraid of closed in spaces and I was not sure if he would be able to do these tests.

If anyone remembers when he was in the hospital a couple of years ago he literally came out of one of  the MRI machines and refused to have the test run.  Let me tell you - it was NOT a pleasant experience for anyone involved.  I was hoping that we would not have a repeat of this episode.  The first set of scans was not a problem - I was able to go into the room with Dan and I stood beside him and read to him while the test was going on.  This worked well and Dan did not have any difficulties.  However, the next scan the tech told me I could not go back with him.  I explained that he would not be able to complete the scan if I was not in the room - well, she was insistent that I not go back so I went back and sat down.  About five minutes later she came back out to the waiting room and got me - she said that Dan required me and that it would okay for me to go back with him.  (He told me later that he told them I either came back there or that machine was going through the wall!)  There was no question when they called him back for the last session.

After we left Dan was so relieved that the whole thing was over and he was hungry - so we decided to take a step back in time and go to an "old" new pizza place in Lakeland called JBurns.  This place used to be 'the' pizza spot in the late 60's and early 70's in Lakeland but it closed around 72 or 73.  However, a friend of mine, in Lakeland, sent me a link to a newspaper article a couple of weeks ago which stated that the original owner of JBurns was opening a new pizza place on January 1st.  Well, we (or I should say, Dan) decided that we would take a chance a try and see if we could recapture a taste of the past.

Well, we were able to find the pizza parlour with no problems and there were plenty of cars in the parking lot - always a good sign.  When we walked up to order we only had two choices of sizes - personal and 12" - so we chose the 12" Meat Lovers.  The pizza was somewhat expensive to our way of thinking at almost $20.00 for the pizza and one coke - I'm drinking water, but we don't get up that way to eat that often and it was a step into the past.  We sat down to wait for our pizza - well, twenty minutes later, we still don't have our food.  A "waitress" (the girl that walked around and cleaned the tables) walked over and asked if everything was okay and we just said "Yes, but we were still waiting for our pizza."  She went over to check and see how long it would be - and, guess what, they had not even made our pizza!  Seems like they were having some trouble with some of their equipment and our order was never given to the guys that make the pizza.  The owner came over to us and apologized - gave us a coupon for a free pizza and told us he would either give us our money back and we could still have the coupon or he would fix us the pizza and it would be ready in 10 minutes.  Dan wanted the pizza.  Well, to say that we got a little extra attention would be an understatement - the owner delivered the pizza to us after letting us know several times in the 10 minute period how much longer it would be.  He even brought us metal forks to eat with!  The pizza was EXCELLENT and I would recommend them - just give them a couple of weeks to get the kinks worked out!  We would go there again even if we didn't have a coupon for a free pizza!

We drove back home and everything was going well - until I looked at my phone at a little after five and saw that we had a phone message.  It was from Watson Clinic with results from his tests and they want us to call tomorrow.  Now, we worry again - I know that it is silly to worry about something that we can't control - but until I know what is going on I will worry.  Will I say something to Dan that I am worried - nope.  Why?  Because he is worried too, and I don't want him to worry about me being worried.  I know that the stenth is not doing everything that needs to be done with his heart and we are both worried that he is going to have to have heart surgery.  However, we will do whatever we have to do!  I just have to remember - one step at a time!  We'll find out tomorrow.

How do you handle when you are worried about someone in your family's health?  Do you let them know you are worried or do you hold it in and just worry yourself and hold their hand?  Are you the type that want to know everything or are you better being kept in the dark and telling the doctor "just do what you have to do"?  In case you are wondering - I am the "tell me everything" type person - I want to know it all!  Okay - well, it may be a little hairy around here so, if you are so inclined, I could use a friendly shout out!  I look forward to hearing from you!